“Hello everyone, and thank you for coming this evening. The Alfred Moor Theater is thrilled to hosting The Unqualified Poets of American Genius. {Applause}. Thank you. Before we begin I do have a couple things to say. First: I am excited to tell you all that through your generosity in the optional donation section of the online ticketing process the Alfred Moor Theater, with your help, raised twenty five hundred dollars for the Math Olympics team from Dunkirk County High. We’re going to national people. Give yourself a round of applause! {Applause}. I have just gotten news that there is a silver Volvo station wagon in the far corner of the parking lot has it’s dome light on–license plate H-0-C-5-4-T-1-C. Just letting you know, wouldn’t want your battery to go dead.

“Just a couple more orders of business before we start the show. {Applause}. Yes. Second: We have the Bakers of Unfathomable Flavors to thank for the delicious concession. They tell me not to be alarmed at the unusually hard chunks of coconut in their muffins. They are nothing to worry about, in fact, they have informed me that the are certainly not rice that was accidently spilled into the dough on accident–so you won’t have to worry about that. {Applause}. I’ve just gotten word that the silver Volvo station wagon, license plate H-0-C-5-4-T-1-C has it’s headlights on and is surely going to have a dead battery. If I could get a show of hands of people who have jumper cables? Thank you. The owner will surely be thankful for a jump at the end of the show.

“Third: In the halls and lobby today we have photography and watercolor of local artists Beninof Schmit and Carla Whithorn. Ben has won the distinguished Controversy in Photography Award, for his photo titled Self, which depicts a landscape completely covered with cracked mirrors. Carla Whithorn is the recipient of The Unexplainable Acts of Being Idle Award for her time spent in India. She sat so unbelievably still and long while visiting the Taj Mahal people did not notice her living there for nearly a month. You can see her painting in the lobby. {Applause}. Oh dear. The silver Volvo station wagon, license plate H-0-C-5-4-T-1-C, I am told, has four slashed tires. Anyone who knows a trust worth towtruck driver please show your hands. Thank you. The owner of that car will surely be grateful for your help.

“Fourth–and last: There is much to be said about The Unqualified Poets of American Genius. The problem is where to begin. From The revolutionary war, to the present day, these brave men and women have made our ways of life possible. From the beaches of normandy to the Misinformation Act of the Cold War, these men and women have kept us safe. {Applause}. Yes. I have no doubt in saying that if it were not for The Unqualified Poets of American Genius, I would not be welcoming you hear or. . . or. . . Oh dear. I have just gotten word that the silver Volvo station wagon, license plate H-0-C-5-4-T-1-C has burst into flames.



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