Morning Pages 10/15/19

It is difficult to be content in stillness. Every moment I sit I fight an impulse. I think about what work I should do, what revisions I need to make on a story, script, or maybe I should start something new. I wonder if I should watch some soccer, call a friend, check in with family. I have an itch on my back and I don’t scratch it.
I want to drink my coffee, but I don’t do that either.
I wonder what I’ll have for breakfast, what work will be like today. How I wish I had a different job.
I think about playing a video game or how much my session of D&D was the night before. I wonder how I’m going to correct the myriad threads that run through my plot and my world. Maybe I should try to do NaNoWriMo this year. Maybe not.
I think maybe I need to read more often.
Make it a habit.
Read every morning or every evening. It’s difficult to make time for it.
But then now here I am sitting and doing nothing, just mulling over my choices.
I think about money.
I wish I had more.
What would I do with more money?
I get paid on Friday.
What will I do then?
I wonder if this week is the week.
I wonder if I should call OSPI and ask them about my substitute teaching clearance which has been pending for the last month.
I wonder if I should call UW Bothell again because it has been weeks since I sent an email and called and the academic advisor hasn’t emailed or called me back.
I wonder if they ever will. Should I just show up one day?
I wonder if I should even go back to school.
I know I should.
I know I’d like to be a teacher.
But does that mean giving up on writing?
I have some major revisions to do on my comic scripts.
Here we are again, back at the comic script.
With so many things to think about and do, why am I sitting here? Because it makes me slow down. It makes me prioritize.
I’m hungry.
What will I eat for breakfast? I also need to take a shower.
I told my wife I’d got to work early and try to pro-deal her a sweater if the pro-deal allows me to.
That’s another thing I need to do.
Why am I writing? Here is my list.
Lists are underrated. Maybe I should do this every day. Make a list, I mean. Make a list of things to do. Not all of them need to be productive. Some of them should be–I think.
I miss being in Copenhagen.
Here are my things to do.
First, I need to make breakfast. Nothing fancy, just a small bite. But I should also pack a lunch.
Oka, that was two things. I only wanted 1 per line.
Make breakfast.
Pack lunch.
Drop off iPad.
Go pro-deal.
Work.
Come home.
Pick up wife.
read(?)
revise comic script(?)
Work out (?)
There aren’t enough hours in the day.
We all know that. Why can’t I focus like I used to?
There was once a time I could sit and just plow through thousands of words, pages of writing. Not all of it was good. Maybe none of it was. But I was creating something.
Where did that go?
Will it ever come back?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s