4/9/15 Three Days Ago

Do you love me–really?

or are we both afraid to be alone?

 

Three days ago I thought I knew you.

Now when you call I don’t know what to say.

 

After work today, you called to tell me something

weird. Your old co-workers from LA were

in your restaurant. It was unlikely,

but my mind was blank.

 

All I said was, “huh?”

 

Then we talked about nothing until you 

said,

“I’m going to concentrate on walking.”

I’m going to concentrate on walking

What does that mean?

 

Three days ago we told each other

we loved one another.

 

When we hung up today we both said,

“bye.”

because, I think, saying, “I miss you.” or

“I love you.” would taste stale in my mouth.

 

Because for the last two day you have

not said it but when I said it.

 

Three days ago you said it so often,

so much. and when I said it back I meant

every word every time and I think you did

also.

 

Now when I say it you say it without a

smile. or without looking at me.

 

And when you do look at me, I see none

of that excitment I once saw in those

eyes–only fear–or worry–or

a distracted gaze.

 

Three days ago you told me you

had a lot to figure out. You told me

you had so much to do–so little time.

I said if you needed to be along then

you should be alone.

 

You said I was right.

 

Three days ago you said you wanted me

to stay the whole week.

Now I wonder if you want me to stay another

day. And when you said you’d be house

sitting for some time I wondered, for a

moment, if you’d be inviting me. Then that moment

stretched into silence and I understood that

you wouldn’t and I wasn’t.

 

See, it comes back to such little time.

It comes back to that single “bye.”

It’s the time we have spent when everything

has been perfect.

But like you said three days ago–

“It feels like the honeymoon is over.”

And now I feel as though I’m waiting for

you

to make up your mind.